April 2012
33 posts
5 tags
Old poems..
Came across some old poems and journal entries last night. I think my therapist and psychiatrist will benefit greatly from seeing them. Especially since I’ve got maybe 10 suicide notes I’ve written over the past 18 years. Luckily I’ve only come close to killing myself a few times. But most of the time I realize that I don’t want to die and I have to fight the urge....
March 2012
15 posts
2 tags
Me, myself and Bipolar
I’ve spent 18 years dealing with bipolar. 9 years I was cognizant that there was a problem, just not sure what to call it. I had my first episode when I was 8, flipped out at school and had to be subdued by a few teachers because I was scared that I had inadvertently poisoned myself and I didn’t want to die. I didn’t care what happened before, it was after I had done the deed...
A week..
It’s been a week since I started my new medication. The first few days were a bit interesting. Eye twitching (which I still have a bit of) and nausea and the sleepiness. It’s slowly getting better. But now I have the whole freaking out part feeling like I’m putting poison into my body. Like last night I kept having dreams about bodily mutations and other freaky stuff from...
4 tags
I don't think anyone will ever understand..
Staring in the mirror I see A different person staring back at me. Mocking me with her grin. Her laughter echoing in my head. Taunting me with her thoughts: “You can’t get rid of me, I’ll never leave you.. you know you love me..” She rapes my mind knowing just where to hide. In my mind I see myself lying naked on the floor, chained and choked, gagging on my thoughts. As she...
To sleep perchance to dream?
I lie awake staring at my ceiling fan, waiting for it to send me into some sort of meditative trance. Where I can hide from my fears. Every so often I get this irrational fear that something is chasing me. I must have all the lights on in order to keep this evil thing from coming after me. Because everyone knows that darkness hates the light. My closet has to be shut, and I can’t look...
dear depakote
I know we’ve tried things before and you didn’t work out for me last time I was on you. But I’m pretty sure that was because I was on another mood stabilizer and the two of you combined worked to make me feel like I was not alive or human. I’m really just in need of something that’ll keep my hypomanic episodes in check, and something that can stabilize me so that...
Rock the Slut Vote →
I’ll stand up for and continue trying to protect my rights to contraception and keeping the GOP OUT of my bedroom!!
I'm not sure..
Really not sure why I’m on here, but I figured that it’s better than annoying my friends on facebook with my absurdity. I’m sure most of my friends are tired of my updates about politics and random stuff. I can’t really even talk about half the stuff I want to talk about for fear of what certain people might say. My filters coming off and I’m going to post what I...
